Its 7.00 am, my twins (kids) have started on their breakfast for the day, and it has dawned on Y that he has to spend another day at his new school. His face wrenches up and he immediately gets teary.
“Mama I don’t want to go to schoooool!” he cries.
Today is day 7 at the new school, where my 4-year old twins have started their first year of kindergarten, also known as K1. Days 1 to 5 were a breeze – no tears, no tension, just happy kids. But this second week has been different. The novelty has worn off. The kids know the drill. And now its sinking in that this is their everyday.
They have started missing their old school, old teachers, and old friends. As someone who has moved countries multiple times in life, I can empathize! Change can be yucky and scary.
And while one twin has been A-okay, the other twin has been having meltdowns in the morning. This caught me a little by surprise yesterday (day 6), when the taxi arrived at our gate and instead of walking out towards it, he took his shoes off and ran back into the house, all the way to the kitchen so that he’d be as far away from the front door as possible.
Given the fact that the driver was waiting, I jumped to a bribe to get him into the cab. And further bribes when he broke down again at the school’s entrance.
Today, though, I was more prepared. So, when he started crying at breakfast I paused the meal, had him sit on my lap, facing me, and had a genuine chat. Here’s what we spoke about:
First: I validated. I acknowledged his feelings and the fact that change can feel hard. I told him I understood what he was feeling and that what he was feeling was normal.
Second: I shared my own journey with change. I told him that mama has also been in situations where she was in a new place and didn’t like it. Like when we first moved to Singapore from Hong Kong. I was sad and I was missing Hong Kong. But I didn’t give up. I gave it time. And now after making more friends and getting used to Singapore, I love it.
This idea of ‘not giving up’ is one he is already familiar with, so he was able to digest the input.
Third: I encouraged him not to bottle-up his emotions. I told him it was good he was talking to me about his feelings. And that if he felt sad at school at any time that he could also speak to his brother and his new teacher.
This chat helped tremendously. He was still apprehensive about going to school, and still sad when he arrived, but the the intensity of his feelings had become more manageable. There was also a sense of resolve to try and give it time.
I know it will take more days for him to fully settle in, but I’m keeping the hope!
